Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize