So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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