so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
