this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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