If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
