I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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