i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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