Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize