My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
