Umm I'm too high to move.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
