Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
false alarm, still single
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
