Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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