i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
