If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Randomize
