Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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