By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
