He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
