dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She even gives head with a lisp.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
