so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
