Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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