I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
