she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
