I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
