he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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