Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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