I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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