Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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