Too much gin, very little bucket
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i came on her dog
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
