I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
