evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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