Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
