i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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