her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
