It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
