I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
