I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
