I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
this just has baby written all over it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
