Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
