he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
