can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
