the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
