The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
