my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
