if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
