how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
