I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize