get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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