hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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