Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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