I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
