Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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