No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
