It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
