Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
