I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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