my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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