Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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