God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
