he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
