Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
