omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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