i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
