Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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