I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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