Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
