I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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