its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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