My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
