I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
