ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize