I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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