i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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