also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
