woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
