I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
