who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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