just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
