Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
