i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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