my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
