Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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