I cockslap morals
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize
