Cold hands, warm shart.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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