just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
do herpes really smell.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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