So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my sisters under your porch take her home
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
