my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
