i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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