I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
