I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
