I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
