I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize