It's like God shit irony all over that family
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
