Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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