OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i wish my penis had a tongue
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
