i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
