Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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