I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
