The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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