ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
