hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
