Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
