Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize