You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
