I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
