Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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