and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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